I think the worst feeling in the whole world besides the feeling of heartbreak or helplessness is the feeling of loneliness. I have been reminded that no matter how many friends you have, no matter how many people you trust, there is one who will NEVER leave your side, who wants more for you than you ever thought possible. Jesus Christ. There has been so much change going on in my life lately and sometimes I wake up just feeling broken. I want to pick up my phone and call my best friend because I know they will fill me with comfort and just listen. But why do I pick up my phone instead of falling to my knees? I also know that I can only learn those precious lessons that will refine me through trials and growing opportunities. "The Lord puts challenges in your path to mold your character. For your own personal growth He will often let you struggle with a matter for a while, even when you are pleading for help. But as you follow true principles, He will finally see you through. He intends that when you have reached your extremity, you will turn to Him for comfort, peace, and assistance. He will send these through the quiet prompting of the Spirit. He will give reassurance and guidance that are essential to correct decisions in your life. You are learning powerful, eternal lessons. Be sure you understand them. The Lord does not abandon your urgent pleas, nor is He ever, for even a moment, unmindful of your anguish and heartache. He hears every supplication. He invariably answers according to spiritual law. Understanding that law will help you appreciate how the Lord answers your prayer. His silence and seeming absence at times are a powerful means of expanding your vision and understanding as you continue in faith to do your best." I've been thinking about the Atonement a lot lately. No matter what I am feeling, I know that Jesus Christ has felt the same things I am feeling. The Atonement was not just for the forgiveness of sins, it was so that Jesus Christ could feel every feeling of despair, every sadness, every hopelessness, every fear, every doubt, every heartache, every question, every insecurity so that He could relate to us and REALLY know how we feel. Although, my friend brought up the point that Jesus Christ never had someone He could turn to with all the trials He went through in His life and utter the phrase "You know what I mean?" No one knows what it was like to be Him. He is the ultimate example. Luke 23:42-43 says "And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy Kingdom. And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, today shalt thou be with me in paradise." Jesus was still serving even on the cross. He assured on of the criminals on the cross that when he died, he would be with Jesus in heaven. Even at the hour of his death, the criminal expressed faith in Jesus Christ, seeing Him for who He was. Elder Holland says "With all the conviction of my soul I testify that He did please His Father perfectly and that a perfect Father did not forsake His Son in that hour. Indeed, it is my personal belief that in all of Christ’s mortal ministry the Father may never have been closer to His Son than in these agonizing final moments of suffering. Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone. But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that He never flees nor fails us. When the uttermost farthing had then been paid, when Christ’s determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully, it was “finished." Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, the living Son of the living God, restored physical life where death had held sway and brought joyful, spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness, and despair. With faith in the God He knew was there, He could say in triumph, “Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.” Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: “I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].” I always talk about that one night in Ephraim Utah while I was a counselor EFY at a fireside with my youth, when the Spirit testified to me that Jesus knows me. That night was the first night I KNEW without a doubt Jesus was real and the Atonement was real. Our session director shared a quote from Chieko Okazaki about the Atonement. It says "We know that on some level Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It’s our faith that he experienced everything–absolutely everything. Sometimes we don’t think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means Jesus knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer–how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were, “And lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” (Matthew 28:20) What does that mean? It means he understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your tow-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children who ever come are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He’s been there. He’s been lower than all that." I didn't grow up with the Gospel. I grew up believing in God and Jesus Christ. I hungered for the truth until it hurt. Until it was all I could think about. When I first met the missionaries, I knew I was home. Heavenly Father had prepared me to be ready and willing to listen to the missionaries. He blessed me with a hunger. He blessed me with a willing heart and contrite spirit. Jesus Christ knew what I was feeling. He felt my emptiness and longing for truth. Jesus sought me when a stranger; but I was not a stranger to Him. He knew exactly who I was. So no matter how lost I feel, how insignificant I feel, how insecure I get, how afraid I am, I can go to Him because He knows me. And now I can confidently say "Here's my heart, oh take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."
