You know what I have figured out? You never REALLY figure anything out. Love. How can that little word be so complicated and hold so much in just four letters? Hollywood has really screwed me up. I go and read the book He’s Just Not That Into You, I see the movie, okay cool, got it life. He just wasn’t that into me. So then I see Pride and Prejudice. The yearning begins. That’s the tricky thing about love. You can build your walls up as high as they can go, convince yourself you can have a happy life without it, tell yourself it’s so much better without the ball and chain and then you watch one of your friends wedding videos, or get a wedding announcement or go to your best friend’s baby shower and that little punch in the gut hits you and you know, no matter how long it takes, no matter all the pain or rejection or confusion, it’s worth it. So then you go see UP. You’re officially done for. Disney has combined the 4 things in life that make me cry the most in the world into one cinematic adventure. Old people, children, dogs and love. Curse you Disney. Then the yearning begins again. On the outside I’m happily drinking my $11.00 small diet coke smiling at the cute old man and the colorful bird named Kevin, but on the inside I’m having a mini panic attack. I’m almost 24. Which is almost 25, which is almost 30. Where is my soulmate who is going to take me on picnics and paint the mailbox with me and listen to me ramble on and on and fill my adventure book? Please God oh please don’t let my adventure book be filled with pictures of cats and empty cartons of ice cream and single tickets to a chick flick. Let it be filled with pictures of love and babies and first days of school and anniversaries and mission calls and travel and lazy sunday afternoons and family vacations and summer bbq’s and kids asleep on porch swings and dogs asleep in fields of grass and me and my husband sneaking kisses in the kitchen after dinner. So the big question - how do you find this? People tell you “play the game!” “Guys love the chase!” Well guess what? I don’t. I refuse to change myself and have even more questions about love than I already do. Do you know how much pressure it is to have a guy chase you? It not only says you’re not interesting enough on your own and that you have to hold a treat in your hand and run in order to catch his attention, but then after you have his attention, it’s your job to KEEP his attention. Well I want the guy who just thinks I’m interesting to begin with so it’s not a JOB to keep him around. If I have to run and have you chase me like a 4 year old wanting to give her doggy a treat if he’s a good boy, then YOU’RE NOT THE ONE. So I officially declare: I’m done with the game play. Take Elisabeth Bennett. Yes, I know, Pride and Prejudice reference but stay with me here...you have a girl getting older who doesn’t apologize for her circumstances, doesn’t beg for love, doesn’t suffer for love, doesn’t promise to be someone she’s not, follows her heart, doesn’t fall for a guy because of status, looks, wealth or fear of never finding the one. She just lives. I’m takin a lesson from Lizzy. I’m living my life and making sure I’m exactly where Heavenly Father wants me to be. And the guy who wants to walk beside me instead of ahead of me or behind me is welcome to come along for the ride.
