Last night, one of my oldest friends Josh, the missionary who baptized me, texted me. He's one of the people I go to when I need advice because he met me when I was 17, and went through teaching the discussions to my mom and I, and later baptized me. That's something sacred, and I don't think anyone will ever understand the bond that we have, and everythingggg we've been through. He knows me better than a lot of people do, so I trust him completely. He knows the struggles I've been dealing with lately, so he was asking about everything, and asked if there was anything new in my life. I told him about my new plan. I haven't told really anyone about this plan, except for my family and my best friends...Jessa, Stacey, Nick, Garrett, Jason and Josh. I guess I'm a little scared about it and only want to tell people who will give me their honest opinion and support me. These people are my support team. Their opinions are valuable to me. I admit, I was a little nervous for his response. The text back said: "Wow, I'm proud of you Nick."
All of a sudden I started crying. I don't even know why! Well, yes I do. My dad used to call me Nick. That was one of his nicknames for me. And even though it was Josh saying it, while I read it, I heard my dad's voice saying it, and in my heart knew my dad felt the same way. Sometimes I think Heavenly Father and loved ones passed reach through to you through other people. I think that text was my dad reaching out to me.
Sometimes when I'm feeling far away from my dad, I go downstairs to the answering machine and listen to his message still saved for a year ago. It's nothing amazing, no words of wisdom, no lasting advice, no dramatic story. It's just his voice, saying hi to my mom and I, telling us he loves us. It's simple like dad. And to me, that's profound.
I'm home, I'm happy, I'm myself, I'm moving forward and I have a lot to be thankful for.
I'm thankful for friends that support me, love me, give me advice, and truly want me to succeed.
I'm thankful for a family that is my heart, my soul, and my home.
I'm thankful for puppies that sleep with me when I'm sad, and lick my tears away when I can't stop crying.
I'm thankful for a mom who holds me in the middle of the night while I can't stop crying because the pain of missing my dad hurts so much I don't know if I will ever be able to breathe.
I'm thankful for those cd's of ocean waves, rain, thunderstorms and rainforests that are literally the only things that help me sleep.
I'm thankful of pictures of Christ in my room that bring me peace and perspective when I look at them.
I'm thankful for my church calling that has brought me so many friendships, so much growth and a lot of fun.
I'm thankful for home because no matter what happens in life, my home heals me and brings me back to who I am.
I'm thankful for time because it heals everything, make painful things go away, but never erases beloved memories.
I'm thankful for my future because it's exciting, filled with a lot of fun things, and a lot of memories.
I'm thankful for the experience I'm about to embark on because I know it will teach me a lot, be really fun, introduce me to a lot of people I probably would never meet otherwise, take me to a place that will force me to remember my roots, and hopefully bring me a fun and lasting career full of excitement and awesome experiences.
Most of all, I'm thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally and leads me to the best of everything, who knows my heart even when I'm distant and silent, and a Savior who never leaves my side, and sees the best in me.
"I believe in the sun even if it isn't shining. I believe in love even if I don't feel it. I believe in God even when He is silent."
