Tonight Andrea and I were sitting at the table snacking on our bounty of taquitos, salsa, grapes, string cheese and water, talking about how old we're getting and wondering where the heck our husbands are. We talked about my upcoming 25th birthday this fall...I get knots in my stomach just thinking about it. We were thinking of a theme for my party. I suggested a "not in this lifetime" birthday party (directed towards marriage) where everyone has to show up dressed as a spinster, bring a Sheri Dew book to read, play pin the tail on the cat, eat on "over the hill" party plates, and someone will come teach us to knit. We laughed hysterically and Bishop Brundage looked at us lovingly and said, "Oh my sweet girls, you WILL get married one day."
My mind flashed back to last week, when I was in Bishop Meacham's office accepting a calling. Bishop knows me really well, so there was no need for polite chit chat. It was more like having a talk with my dad. Before I knew it, I got the dreaded dating question. I explained what's happened with "that situation" and looked for the nearest kleenex box. He stopped me, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You never know whose gonna walk through those doors one day. It might not seem like it now, but it only takes one...until your whole life will change."
I was in a good place when Andrea and I heard this younger girl we know talking to Sister Brundage about how she sat in class today and planned out her whole wedding. She just knew she would get married young.
I blurted out, "Yeah I remember those days. And look at me now." I was totally that girl in high school with her whole wedding planned out. It was my one true vice. What was I thinking?!
Andrea and I sat on the couch and talked about our plan.
PLAN A: THE DREAM
Get married in the Temple to funny, hot, smart, kind guys. Have babies. Enjoy a lifetime of bliss and joy. Live happily ever after.
PLAN B: OUR BACKUP PLAN
Never have the chance of getting married, sooo dedicate our lives to our "talents", become rich living on an income for one, have the ultimate bachelorette pads, travel the world, become strong independent career women, girl's nights every night. Enjoy babysitting our nieces, nephews, and friends kids so we still get to feel like a mommy. Stay fashionable throughout our lives so we don't adopt the spinster look. Prefer dogs over cats always. Never learn to knit. Write lots of books. Fill our nights with TV shows on our plasmas, gourmet dinners, Netflix galore, and virgin margaritas.
Disclaimer: Plan B sounds so depressing compared to Plan A.
We sat and asked ourselves okay would it really be that bad if we never had the chance to get married?
Answer: YES IT WOULD.
I think I know myself pretty well, but one thing I am SURE of is that I am going to be a great wife and wonderful mother. I just am. It's in my blood. In Kindergarten when all the kids were telling my teacher they wanted to be an astronaut, a teacher, a veterinarian, President of the United States, I was the five year old in her Tinkerbell dress and blonde pigtails drawing pictures of babies and wedding rings telling my teacher all I wanted to be was a wife and a mommy. You know in Juno where Jennifer Garner's character says, "Haven't you ever felt like you were born to do something? Well I was born to be a mother. Some of us are." And when she says that you kind of roll your eyes thinking, okay lady get a hobby, you're kinda cheesy. But in reality, that's how I feel. All I know is in high school, I was only excited about the wedding. And then one day in my twenties I woke up with the "baby ache." The ache where every baby you see you wanna hold it and cry because you want one so bad. I guess these maternal feelings I'm having are normal. All my girlfriends my age are starting to ache for marriage and babies. It's the yearning for creation. To create a marriage, a baby, a life, a family.
"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before. Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty. You are spirit daughters of the most creative Being in the universe. Isn’t it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God? Think about it—your spirit body is a masterpiece, created with a beauty, function, and capacity beyond imagination. But to what end were we created? We were created with the express purpose and potential of experiencing a fulness of joy. Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. One of the ways we find this is by creating things. If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them. If you are not a mother now, the creative talents you develop will prepare you for that day, in this life or the next. There is a great work for the Saints to do. Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you. Cultivate the earth, and cultivate your minds. Build cities, adorn your habitations, make gardens, orchards, and vineyards, and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations. In the mean time continually seek to adorn your minds with all the graces of the Spirit of Christ. The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come. Sisters, trust and rely on the Spirit. As you take the normal opportunities of your daily life and create something of beauty and helpfulness, you improve not only the world around you but also the world within you. As spirit daughters of our Heavenly Father, happiness is your heritage. You are choice daughters of our Heavenly Father, and through the things you create and by your compassionate service, you are a great power for good. You will make the world a better place. Lift up your chin; walk tall. God loves you."
Later tonight, I came home and watched Up. The marriage montage gets me everytime. Every morsel of women empowerment, and love of my singleness leaves me when I watch this movie. I cannot watch it without crying every single time, and wanting to jump into the tv and hug that cute old man. Because at the end of the day, I want that. (Tell me it's okay that I'm yearning for the marriage of an animated couple...)
Anyways, waiting sucks, and it's hard. Most days I don't believe it will actually happen to me, but it's going to. I don't know who he is, but I know one day he'll walk into my life, become my best friend, and I'll never want to be without him. When all is said and done, I believe in happy endings, in family, in joy beyond measure. I believe in happily ever after.
