Enter timing here.
My mission papers are done, except for the physical and dental. My doctor is really hard to get into because he's so good, but seeing as he's a family friend they squeezed me in a month early. That's in a couple days, can't wait till it's over. I was supposed to have my dentist appointment last month but had to reschedule. They were booked up until yesterday. I thought well that's okay because I'll at least just have my dental done. So I went in, and got my teeth cleaned and checked. Did you know stress actually causes cavities? It wasn't my constant diet coke addiction, it was stress. I didn't even know it was possible. Anyways, it's not that big of a deal, I'll just get them filled. Then they explained to me that they'd have to break it up into 3 different sessions and they're booked up all of July. My last appointment is at the end of August. My face is standing at the front desk smiling, saying "No problem." My inner voice is saying, "What the shimmy fu?! I wanted my call by then!" Timing just had a different idea. I felt so dejected on my drive home. I was so frustrated and even depressed that I was having to keep waiting and waiting...
...but then the Spirit whispered a little memory sweetly into my mind...
Go back eight years, to the day of me and my mom's baptism. I had been looking forward to this day for months and months, seeing as how I had known the Gospel was true the first night I prayed about...which was the first day I met the missionaries. I had been anticipating this day for so long. We get to the church, everyone excitedly sets everything up, they start filling the font, people are getting seated and they take us to get those amazingly hot white jumpers. Yowza. Rawr. The closet door opens and our faces fall. Ummm these are for little kids. I don't care how anorexic you are, you're not fitting into an 8 year old's jumper. Wedgie much? Meanwhile Elder Knight is frantically calling us saying that his ride down to Rancho Bernardo from Orange County fell through and he's trying to practically hitch hike to the baptism. There was a handful of people that NEEDED to be there, no questions asked. Elder Knight was one of them. He was one of the elders that introduced me to this amazing world I now call home. He had been there with us through everything. The Mission President gave me special permission to call all "my boys" and tell them about the baptism, let them all come down for the baptism out of their areas, and let me call Elder Huff and ask him if he'd come down and be the one to baptize me. Happiest sets of elders I've ever talked to. I will always love "my boys". Eternal brothers. Anyways, we're stressing about the jumpers, Elder Knight is about to have a nervous breakdown miles away...it was a little much. Someone finally tracked down jumpers in San Marcos and had left to get them. Elder Knight had hung up with us, told us he had found some random ride with a member, and to pray he made it for "the dunk." It was all about the dunk. He wanted to see us come up out of the water. Ummm...okay I'll tell the packed room full of people to just hold tight and talk to their neighbor while we wait for this poor elder. Oh and ps, sorry we're more than an hour over schedule. Blessings. Promise. The clock is ticking, Bishop tells us we should probably start, so we get all settled. They start the program and all I can think is, "He has got to be here...drive Knight drive." It's time for us to stand by the font to get in. I walk towards it and kind of giggle/shriek/scream because of excitement. Everyone laughs at me and I tell mom to go first. Plus I wanted to see her go in and I know with my mascara issues, it would be impossible if I went first. (Of course I wore makeup...I'm not an animal...) We look at each other, laugh/giggle/cry, take a deep breath and just go for it. It was amazing. Everything I hoped for, needed, wanted, etc. Just imagine Elder Netane, this big huggable teddy bear Samoan missionary dunking my mom. Him and mom always laugh when they explain it, how it was like "Splash Zone" at the Shamu show. Kids were at the glass watching as we got baptized, and they might have been wearing ponchos. Netane always loses it when mom says she thinks her head hit the tile on the bottom. Even greater, Netane was Knight's companion that first night. Okay, so it's my turn now. I grab Huffy's hand and right as I walk in, I looked to the crowd. I smile at my daddy, my family, family friends, Laura, Teddy, my homeward, people I don't know, the rows of my elders, yesss myyyy elders, my friends from high school...and there it was...a simple miracle. Elder Knight was standing directly in the middle of the back wall with his mission friends bawling. He had made it right as mom went under. I could see his smile and tears from the font. It was amazing. Everything was perfect now. I rushed into the water, looked at my mom crying, looked at Huff "with something in his eye" and let faith take over. It was all about timing. If it weren't for those 8 year old jumpers, Knight would not have made it in time. It was by far the best day of my life. And I'm pretty sure I broke every mission rule by bear hugging all my elders. Not sorry.
I laughed as I remembered this memory, and thanked the Spirit for helping me with perspective. I decided to put it all in Heavenly Father's timing, and know that when I go, I'll be ready, and it will be for a reason. Who know? Maybe my people's hearts need to get a little more ready for when I show up and rock their world with the Gospel.
Heavenly Father has a funny little way of reminding you of things, bringing people into your life at the exact time you need them, prompting people to write you notes you need to hear, prompt people to call you and tell you they know you're supposed to be on a mission at the exact moment you're doubting your choice, make certain things work out, make certain things not work out, and every little detail in between. I don't know when I'll be leaving on a mission, all I know is that I'm going and it's the right thing for me at this time in my life.
I moved home thinking wow, I really thought I was supposed to be in Utah. And I was at the time. I think the reason for me going to Utah was to not be at the hospital with my dad when he passed. I don't think my dad or Heavenly Father wanted that to be the last memory I had with my dad. Instead, the last memory was maybe one of the sweetest I've ever had with my dad. And maybe that's why dad finally passed...because he knew that I wasn't there and that it was okay to go home again. I came home wondering how everything went so wrong. But I wasn't supposed to be there anymore. I know for a fact if I were still there I wouldn't be going on a mission. I understand it all a little better now.
I think this time in our life is so confusing not because it's necessarily hard, even though it is, but because we have so many options and opportunities. Most every opportunity we have will lead us down a path where we'll be happy. But the hard part is choosing and knowing which path will bring you the most happiness. How do I be selflessly selfish? How do we find a balance between it all? When I decided to look fear in the face and let go, I became free. For me, this is the path that will lead me to the most happiness. I'm going to get out of my world and see how other people live. I can leave my problems in the background and focus on helping other people's with their through my own experiences. I can teach people about the love of Christ and how that will sustain them through anything they go through. I get to teach people where to build the foundations of their lives. I get to learn how to become a better person. I get to be tried and tested and grow up. I get to gain tender experiences that will teach me and help me to be a better wife and mother. I get to gain a stronger testimony so that when my kids or people ask me if this is what I really believe, I can with a surety say "yes it is." I get to be facebook-less and text-less for a year and a half, and I gotta say that excites me so much. I get to grow closer to my family and friends and fall in love with them all over again through letters. I get to come home a renewed version of myself with a better outlook on who I am, what I want out of life, how to better love, a stronger testimony of the Gospel, and a stronger personal relationship with my Christ my Savior and my Father in Heaven.
For me the timing is the essence and the path is clear.
