Church today was amazing. I always love testimony meeting, especially in a single's ward because no matter what, you know someone is going to get up and say exactly how you're feeling. We went to the Branch to see our besties and enjoy their company. It's nice knowing you can pretty much go to any ward and you're going to see friendly people and feel the spirit.
For some reason, well I know exactly the reason, I was feeling a little off. Sitting in Relief Society second hour, I said a little prayer for some perspective. Right then, one of the sister missionaries got up and bore her testimony. And it hit me once again that I would have been on a mission right now. Blast. I won't lie, whenever I see sister missionaries, I feel a little tug on my heart because I still yearn for that calling. But I made a choice, prayerfully, and I can't regret not going. What I can do is go outside of myself and serve! It's like the spirit gave me a little smack upside the head and was like go serve sister! Then my friend Havanna got up and bore her testimony, and seriously it was like she was speaking from my heart. I don't remember exactly what she said, but she talked about her longing for children, and how she thinks about them and loves them already, and I suddenly felt so warm and fuzzy inside because I know exactly how she feels. I was watching her speak and all of a sudden it wasn't my friend Havanna, it was one of God's daughters. And my world suddenly felt so small, and His plan felt so enormous and so real. Why do I worry? Why do I doubt? So after relief society ended, I pulled the sisters aside, and told them I was willing and ready to serve them however I'm needed. Their eyes lit up as they told me how much they need me. My eyes filled with tears and I assured them I probably needed them more.
Suddenly that nagging feeling I had earlier in the day wasn't so important. I realigned myself with what Heavenly Father wants me to do, and I feel so much better. All I need to focus on is serving, and preparing myself for the Temple, and the rest will fall into place. Surely the adversary loves to whisper doubts in my head, especially about marriage, but why should I listen? My intentions are pure, and my greatest desire is to keep a strong relationship with Heavenly Father and to build an eternal family for myself - the one thing the adversary hates most.
I think it's easy for us young single adults to feel doubts about the prospect of marriage. From a woman's perspective, I think we focus too much on temporal aspects of dating...you know, if I was skinnier, if I looked like her, if I said this, if I acted like that. STOP IT! That's so silly. And by silly I mean ridiculous. We are divine! We have been blessed with femininity, maternal instincts, unstoppable potential, and eternal talents. We should always be moving forward, marching on, trying to grow, but there's a difference between wanting to progress and wanting to change a trait that's been given to you from Heavenly Father. We should stop trying to be like other people, and start effectively being ourselves to our full capacity. But also, we single women need to ask ourselves, are we spending time with good men? Are we surrounding ourselves with Godly men who treat us like the princesses we are? Are they helping us to progress? Do they make us feel good about ourselves, feel worthy, and special, and divine? Do they support us in our talents, callings, and activities? Are they men we'd be proud to stand next to if we were talking to Heavenly Father? And are we being the women we should be, and using our feminine traits and qualities to help them succeed and progress? This life is hard enough...are we making it harder for ourselves? We need to build each other up. I just sat there in relief society and my brain was like "REALLY NICOLE?!" Why the heck am I worrying about stinking boys and marriage and doubting everything?! Ugh girls...
We've been made promises by Heavenly Father. He's perfect, meaning if He promises us something, He is bound to us. All we need to do is our part. Heavenly Father doesn't keep score, He doesn't gossip, He doesn't judge, He doesn't give up, He doesn't get sick of us, He doesn't get annoyed with us, He doesn't do things to benefit himself. He always keeps His word, keeps His promises, and is constantly telling us to not keep our thoughts inside, to vent and unload on Him. He's never too busy for us. He's like the perfect best friend and perfect dad all rolled into one. The least I can do it give my burdens to Him, trust Him, live the best life I can, and then remember that His dreams for me are bigger than anything I could ever imagine for myself...including my dear, darling, adorable, wonderful, amazing, worthy husband...I don't even know yet. I guess I better start living up to my end of the deal and keep myself worthy and deserving of this guy huh? Here I go...
"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
