I think every young single adult feels a certain void in their life. You can be this age and be happy, but there's still that little piece of emptiness; that yearning to want to do more, the desire to create, the desire to love, the feeling of wanting to settle down, wanting to feel fulfilled and like your time is being spent well, feeling like you're progressing, and everything in between.
I did some self reflection on this, and asked myself some questions about how I'm spending my time, who I'm spending it with, and I realized I've been filling this void with friends, when I should have been filling it with Heavenly Father. I've been relying on my friends for happiness, when I should have been relying on Heavenly Father. If you fill that void with a guy, at the end of the day you're still going to feel empty. Satan will play with that, and twist it into thoughts like "I feel empty because I'm not enough...he doesn't like me..." things of that sort. The same thing will happen if you fill that void with friends. But, if you fill that space with Heavenly Father and focus on building a stronger relationship with Him, you will never feel unfulfilled. Ever since I made that connection between my personal happiness and spirituality, I've been so much happier. I feel like a different person almost. Maybe not different, just a little better version.
After this little lesson from Heavenly Father, I was blessed with the most incredible weekend. Of course I had to write about it. So let me tell you everything...
It really all started at the YSA fireside. I had a lot on my mind that night, and the speaker said everything I needed to hear within the first two minutes. Honestly I was so taken aback and replaying everything he said over and over, I think I listened to the first two minutes and didn't hear anything after that. He said we all have the desire to make covenants and he talked about how marriage is worth hoping for, worth praying for, worth waiting for, worth dreaming about and that nothing in our life should interfere with that desire. He told us to remain prepared and worthy for covenants, including those we haven't made yet. He told us to trust the Lord's timing and explained that first comes the desire, then make sure you're remaining worthy, and then trust Him - those three steps are all we can do. He said that Heavenly Father's commitment and promise to us is that we will all have the opportunity to make every single covenant in this life. He told us to honor our covenants and that when we stand before the Lord He's going to ask us one thing: if we made covenants and if we honored them.
Saturday I had the opportunity to go out with the Sister Missionaries all afternoon. We had the most amazing afternoon together. We visited some people, talked to some people, and the three of us sat in their car and talked for a long time. I got out of their car that day with two new friends I'll have forever. I love being around missionaries. My family and I have always been really close to missionaries. But there's something incredible about finding those sister missionaries who are just like you but who hold that special calling, who always know what to say and know what you need to hear. It's like talking to a spirit sister. It was exactly what I needed- to get out of myself and serve! I left them on such a spiritual high, I decided to go to the Temple. I walked around, took some pictures, spent some quiet time alone, and headed over to Deseretbook. On my way home, I stopped for some Greek food. Yep, I sat there at the table by myself and ate dinner and you know what? It was kind of fun! It was like I was on a little date by myself. It was so nice just being alone, sitting in the quiet, holding onto that spirit all day. That night I babysat four of my Bishop's grandkids, stopped to see the besties on my way home, and ended the night talking to Josh. Great day.
The next day was Father's Day...
I'm not gonna lie, I was dreading it a little bit. But I decided to look for the good in the day and feel blessed for the time I had with my dad, and not go to that other place. Josh and I went to our friend Taylor Wilson's farewell. Let me just say, it wasn't just a farewell-it was an experience. Seriously. I've never experienced anything like it. Taylor, Ashlynd, their two sisters, their cousin, and their friends got up and sang the musical number. If you don't know the Wilson's, get to know them. They're amazing people, they brighten every room they enter, and their voices are like a gift from heaven. Josh and I were feeling pretty good driving over to her farewell. We were feeling pretty strong, ready for the day. Well, she sang the first note and we were a mess. Taylor got up and gave her talk, and ended it by singing her testimony. Incredible. Josh leaned over and said, "This feeling I have is like the feeling you get when you're in love." I leaned over and said, "I feel like I just hugged a puppy at the bottom of a rainbow on Christmas morning." I wish I could relive that moment. If we weren't ready for the day, we were then.
I drove over to my ward and caught the last half of Sacrament meeting. I walked in the front chapel door next to the speaker and sat in the front row. I looked up at the speaker and it was Patriarch Haslam. I was so happy. The day after I was first introduced to the missionaries, I went to Seminary with Laura the next morning. Patriarch Haslam was the teacher. After I got baptized, he was called to be Patriarch, and he gave me my Patriarchal Blessing. I was his third blessing he ever gave. My mom was his fourth. Needless to say, it was really good to see him. After Sacrament, I had my meeting with Bishop to get my recommend. I had been preparing and waiting for this day for a long time. It was a really big day for me. The interview was amazing. We talked for a while about life, and the interesting road we all take to get to where we were always meant to be. We both reflected on the past two years I've had, and we both didn't know if I'd ever be sitting in his chair wanting my recommend. Six months ago I was sitting in his office at his home praying with him about my spiritual life, wanting things, praying for things, lacking faith, but having the desire for truth. All these different experiences and moments led me up to this point. I can't explain the hunger I have for the Gospel now. It's my priority now. Nothing comes before Heavenly Father. The desire all started with wanting to go back to the Temple to do work for my dad and grandpa. So fast forward to Sunday...when I sat in Bishop's office receiving my Temple recommend to be able to do the work for my dad...on Father's Day. It was a full circle moment and testified to me even more of the timing of the Lord, and Heavenly Father's perfect orchestration.
Can you tell how excited I am? :)
After my interview, Bishop taught Relief Society. It was the perfect Father's Day lesson. He talked about our Father in Heaven. He said when you hunger for the Gospel and truth, you internalize it so deep that it is your own and then you are able to speak, teach, and share it with power because you fought for that truth. He said that when you feel the spirit, you're remembering in a sense how life was like before the veil. He said we not only knew but understood who Heavenly Father is because we before we came to earth we were taught at His feet; we knew Him, we loved Him.
That night we all went up to the Wilson's to say goodbye to Taylor. It was such a perfect night. We talked for a long time. We took pictures. We sat on the floor and listened to Taylor play the ukulele and sing. I looked around the room, which was filled with good friends, music, a new missionary, and the spirit, and was so thankful for that moment...and knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. And when you're exactly where you're supposed to be, you're on holy ground.
