-Naming the neighborhood cats and dogs and bringing them treats
-Getting to know the employees of 7-11
-Bringing Jason Diet Cokes at work
-Organizing my room...alot.
-Going to "my spot" at the Provo River and reflecting on my life, petting the horses and pretending they're mine, taking hundreds of pictures, and getting to know the cute old people on the trails
-Nap parties with James and Jeff, complete with pumpkin candles
-Chauffeuring friends to their BYU classes
-Catching up on my TV shows online...in bed...
-Shopping at Costco for things I don't really need...
-Shopping with Garrett 4 out of 7 days a week, maybe more... (I think the people at Banana Republic have our names memorized...and I also think it's about time that we get our own dressing room, because it's becoming essential...)
Everyone asks me what they can do to help me through this time in my life. All I can really say is "just be there..." The truth is, there's nothing anyone can do about what's going on. All they can do is be there for me, try to understand me the best they can, and fill in the gaps where I'm sitting at home, leaving me with too much time to think. Out of this support, the most wonderful and amazing random things have come to pass. It's those times with friends where you realize you really are doing it, growing up, and you really are making a life for yourself. I'm grateful for these times...
-Like when Jason shows up at my house at 2 am and tells me to get in his car because we're going to Denny's. Followed by me walking on his treadmill in my pajamas in flip flops. And the crazy jokes and conversations we come up with driving around pitch black Provo until later that morning.
-When Lisse calls me at the exact time I am trying to call her and takes me to the Provo river to read scriptures and write in our journals with the sounds of the river, smell of the horses, rustle of the leaves and warm breeze greeting us with every breathe. She is probably one of the greatest friends I have in my life, constantly supporting me, listening to me, giving me the best advice, understanding me and making me want to be a better person.
-When Amy texts me just to tell me she loves me, or shows up at my house with cookies and a big hug. She in one of those friends that will love you unconditionally, who actually love to listen and help, and who make you a better person just by being your friend.
-Going over to Jeff and James house, sitting with them for hours, listening to their hilarious conversations, watching the Simpsons, watching Jeff cuddle with the BYU blankie his mom made him, writing down every hilarious things these boys talk about so I can write it on my quote board, having James randomly walk in playing the flute. The flute? Really James? Sleeping on their couch when I'm sad, or lonely or just need to get away. Or James moving my furniture around in my room for 3 hours just so I sleep better. These boys are amazing.
-Showing up at Dan's house with a copy of the Glee soundtrack for him, watching him talk with his sister and brother, missing my family and being reminded how good to feels to be home.
-Driving around provo and orem with Brian, talking about everything that pops into my head, talking his poor ears off, knowing he's actually listening and actually cares about how I'm doing. Finding a friend you can talk about the Gospel with, who teaches you more and more everyday, or crying while he just sits there and listens to you cry about nothing, who knows just what to say to make me laugh hysterically - that is hard to find. Show me anyone who will just hold me when I'm missing my dad, who will tell me endless stories about his day or his classes, or read the scriptures with me for what seems to be forever, just so he can take my mind off the sadness.
-Being able to call Scotty at any time of the day or night for a blessing, knowing he will always show up and be in tune with the Spirit.
-Sitting with Cole in his his apartment watching his high school football highlights DVD while we listen to Garrett singing in the shower, getting ready for a date.
-Talking to James about boys I like, or how much I miss my dad, or what car I should buy, talking about nothing, but having a friend who will sit with me and actually listen to me talk about nothing at all.
-Having a best friend like Garrett who is the only person that can make me laugh about nothing at all, who can always take my mind off anything. He makes me see there really are good people in the world who you can trust, who don't take themselves too seriously, who can be fun and righteous at the same time, who treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Garrett is the kind of friend who will come over to your house, gut your closet, take all your clothes off the hangers, and put everything back in the OCD way he like to have his closet, just so he knows your life is that much more organized so you will succeed. Show me one guy who would do that for his best friend. (And then put your new scarf on your cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen and pretend he's Arabian.)
-Doorbell ditching people's houses with Kristin in the middle of the night like we are in 5th grade, laughing the whole run home like morons. Kristin will be crawl into your bed in the middle of the night when you're crying, will drive all around town picking up your medicine, will make you smile just with her laugh, will drive you to the Temple when you need a pick up, or will literally just hold you when you can't stop crying.
-Visiting the psychotic dog down the street who never turns down a face scratch
-Laying in the back of Jeff's truck with pillows, blankets and all my friends in the middle of the night, waiting for the meteor shower
-Driving up to the Y lookout by yourself, sitting next to loads of parked cars full of couple making out. It's actually quite liberating going by yourself.
-When our Bishop is halfway across the world on business, and sits on the phone in the middle of the night his time, listening to our Sacrament meeting, giving the speaker's feedback and appreciation from phone to microphone, telling us how much he loves us even on the Arabian Peninsula.
-Driving around, listening to the Glee soundtrack with Alyssa
-Being lazy on Sunday nights with friends and roommates, eating everything on our shelves, blasting church music while we cry and hysterically laugh, shutting ourselves out from the world and focusing on what really matters
I was supposed to go home Saturday to be with my family a couple extra days, and be there for my aunt's birthday but I had this overwhelming feeling I needed to be in my student ward today. I am so grateful I listened to that prompting. Often times this semester, I have felt alone and wondered if Heavenly Father really did have a plan for me, if I was worthy of His love, if He really knew me. I confess, I often feel like the ward "project" or the ward "hot mess" because I feel like I'm always crying or I'm always emotional. But I have learned, especially today that I think everyone seems to be going through that these days. Every single person I talks to either feels lost, or lonely, or doesn't know what to do next with their life. Today at church, every insecurity, every thought of loneliness was replaced by a feeling of understanding and a feeling of peace. I became so aware of my constant need to control my life, and the Spirit told me to just let it all go, give it to God and let Him show me what He has planned for my life. Dreams of an eternal marriage and motherhood are not just things for other people to enjoy. It is my dream to enjoy as well, and I will. What good is the Atonement in my life, if I deny Christ the opportunity to bless me with it? I feel like I am on the edge of something truly great and I want so bad to know what it is, and to be able to just do it already and to do what Heavenly Father wants me to do. But I am the only one holding myself back. I've made wise choices to get me to where I am today, to be standing on Holy Ground in my life. Now it's time for me to work on myself, so that I am standing on Holy Ground in my mind as well.
